Sunday, July 13, 2008

Screaming Out LOUD!!!!!

Maybe it's just cause I've been stressed out with my graduation and birthday this weekend, but Tru has been an absolute tyrant. If she doesn't get her way she screams and screams. I'm not joking or embellishing when I say she screamed for an hour straight this morning. All because her Daddy had to leave to do some work for a couple of hours. She wanted to go outside when he did but we weren't dressed and hadn't even had our morning routine half way completed. I explained to her that we'd be leaving soon as I got everything straighten up and we got dressed, but it didn't do anything to appease her. I gave her the minute and half bitch session she always gets when she goes into one of her moods but that didn't help either. As soon as the microwave went off she hopped out of the chair, ran to her room, slammed the door, and proceed to yell and scream at her toys & her favorite sing-a-long movie. Thankfully, knock on wood, she isn't banging her head on anything. She is still hitting herself in the head with her hands, but not on hard objects like the tv, floor, or tables. It got so bad this morning that I gave in to taking her outside, even though I wasn't ready to go outside. I put her in her swing, which she usually loves, but she still had a fit. It just so happen that Daddy was back from working for a little while, thank god cause I'd have never gotten anything done. He couldn't even calm her down though, he had to put her in the car before she would relax. Then he proceed to tell me she was absolutely having a fit when I stepped back into the house for a second, as if I couldn't hear her. I snapped at him and told him she'd been throwing a fu*king fit since he left. (SORRY BABE, I DIDN'T MEAN TO FLIP BUT I WAS AT WITS END THIS MORNING) I'm just so frazzled right now & Tru isn't making it any easier for me. Sometimes it's like she can't get enough of me. She follows me from room to room and jabbers to me all the time & then other times it's like the very sight of me throws her into a spiral of erratic behavior. I can never just actually leave her alone cause I'm scared she'll hurt herself. I let her think she's in control though cause I'll give her time to herself if she runs off into her room and slams the door, but as soon as I open the door to check on her, she slams the door on me or starts another fit. She seems to be losing her tolerance for me. I guess it's cause she's been spending 24/7 with me since school has let out, but there isn't much I can do about that. I'm hoping the new headstart and being around other kids will help improve the situation. I'm thankful school will be starting around the same time Avahlee is born, so that I can have time alone with the new baby, but I'm starting to have doubts about how Tru is going to deal with it. I love her more than the world and only want the best for her, but I don't want her to be. . . I'm not sure what the word is that I'm looking for, but I know that I want her life to be the happiest and healthiest it possible can be & right now I don't feel like it is for her. I'm so upset about it that I'm having trouble sleeping and having bad dreams when I do get to sleep. I had a dream the other night that Tru and I were at a beach of some sort & she commanded the turtles to attack me & them did. I just don't know anymore. Maybe it's just the hormones and everything will straighten out after the baby comes, but I'm worried. . . .

She doesn't even enjoy our daily activities anymore. Trying to get her to paint, color, do any hand over hand activity is like the start of WW III. All she wants to do is her own thing & even then she gets upset about something. I'm all for letting her express herself, but the manner in which she is doing it now is driving me to the end of my rope.

On a brighter note, she did really well when we went to the store today. She did start to get loud at the end, but she hushed when I talked to her calmly and entertained her with finger-plays as we waited to get checked out.

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